That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Randomize
