how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
