the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We have started to decorate penises.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
