I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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