you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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