If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize