maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
