I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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