I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
