I met the friendliest cop last night
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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