remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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