I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize