If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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