This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
