We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm too high and old for this...
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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