im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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