Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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