His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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