why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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