I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
