Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
