3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.