may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
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Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
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And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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