I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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