I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize