I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
