help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
