the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
The power of my boobs compel you
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
