I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
