You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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