I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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