She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
