garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
So vagazzling was a success
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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