Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
