That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
