He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
