Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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