I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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