What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
