What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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