New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
