you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
