Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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