I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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