Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
