I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
