Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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