The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
