i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
