when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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