Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
