just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
