We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
