I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
