Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
