Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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