We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
