If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
