So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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