We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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