hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
