i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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