no, he came in my armpit
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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