my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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