who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
