It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
